SWITCHED TO A NEW SPACE

Hello-
if anyone still checks this I have switched over to a new and improved space [wordpress].
I am now at,
JUICE WADE_ CLICK HERE

come visit me :)

The truth

hhot and dirty martinis- is there any drink that's better? My sister whipped up a couple of what she calls hot and dirty martinis last night- vodka, lots o-o olive juice (sans the actual olives for her) and some spicy hot peppers thrown into the mix, literally. All shaken up, i didn't know whether to feel hot form the drink or cold from its frostaliciousness. Anyway, before we chilled out for the night martini in hand, we spent the day seeking out good props for photos and we came across a gold mind. While in the dreadful company of jo-anne fabrics i suggested we skip over to Savers that was next door, this is a discount donation store somewhat like goodwill but 10 times better. Upon arrival i quickly discovered this savers was more beautiful than any other i had been in previously. It has useless items like ethnic santa clause nick nacks, cardboard coasters that before yesterday thought were always free with your drink at the local bar, used sheets and towels which may be gross unless you are looking to use that sheet for clothing purposes (still gross maybe), halloween costumes (which grace and i are well aware of as we bought our costumes freshman year from there), fast food vendor onesies, vintage hats, light bright (blast from the past) and oversized yellow crayons. The true excellence was in the hats that we found- one of a kind, unlike anything you could buy in a store present day. One of the best parts of this store were the carts that are available for use. It's not like your everyday shopping cart but yet, way better. At first you think its one of those little red rectangular baskets you use when purchasing 12 items or less at the grocery store but come to find out it has wheels and a long handle- so you can actually wheel your 10 hats, fast food uniform and ski jacket alongside of you in a very hassle-free manner. When checking out we spotted a velvet, cinched up red devil outfit on one of the employees which amde the experience that much better.
Needless to say, we had a million and one laughs and got some great gets! the beauty of discount shopping-

Heroes

There are certain class that I like to keep to myself. I enjoy sitting there silently, taking it all in and scribing down my neatly organized notes. It is not necessarily an indicator of how much i enjoy the class or not, there are just those classes that I prefer to keep quiet. Perhaps I am intimidated by my classmates, afraid I will say something that will get shut down or maybe just for the simple fact that I like observing whats going on around me sometimes rather than considering myself as a part of it. I like the idea of being smack in the middle of a classroom but feeling like maybe nobody sees you. With that being said, my holocaust history class is one of these classes. I adore the class, i love it so much and look forward to it every time that I have it but I simply do not talk in it. I love listening to my 70 year old teacher talk because he is good at it. he is a good teacher with a lot of knowledge. I've always been interested in the subject of the holocaust and it is something that I could talk about endlessly but for one way or another, i don't prefer to in this class. Not to mention, the one time that I did speak in this class my teacher couldn't hear me and we went through that whole "what, i cant hear you" i repeated what i said, "what" i again, repeated what i said, "what?" he said again- "STALINS DICTATORSHIP OF RUSSIA" i ended up yelling at my poor little old teacher because i was mortified that I had to keep repeating myself. Anyway, my whole idea of 'not being seen' came to a halt today when my teacher was explaining how he gave his three kids middle names of his personal heroes last names- Clarence Darrow, Martin Luther King and Margaret Sagan. I thought this was a very cool idea and valid heroes at that as i was sitting there simply processing the idea of having your childrens middle names be after your heroes he quickly says "Don't you guys have heroes?" Then points to me. "DO you have heroes, who are your heroes?" I paused for what felt like 5 minutes and can only image the deep shade of red my face took on. The first thing that came to my head were the members of my family- they are my personal heroes but was I supposed to say that? Nobody in this class knows my family- will people think i am being cliche if i spit out "my parents" so instead i said the opposite of what i truly felt, "not off the top of my head" i replied.
I wish I could have run out of the class right then and there- not off the top of my head? DO i have no depth whatsoever? Who says that. I don't want to be that person that has no opinion, has nothing to say. But as the day pressed on i kept going back to that one question and i still couldn't think of anyone that I would have said. To me a hero is someone that you live everyday by- someone who you think about a lot, someone you try to imitate their morals and values, the way they've run their life- and still, my family members are truly the only people that I think about every single day, the only people that I try to mimic my life after and the only people that I can 100% say will always be my heroes. I don't know where life is going to take me and to have some hero for the time being doesn't seem so heroic. I don't want to have a hero just to have a hero- it has to be someone that means so much to me and as mentioned before, that's only my family. Of course I have deep admiration for many people throughout history but i don't feel comfortable calling any of them my heroes simply because i don't know how they lived their every day life- i don't personally know any of them. THey may have done something that is so unselfish, outstanding and beautiful but, i only know them for that. I know how my family lives their life, i respect it, value it and love it. I don't want to have a hero that I don't know all of them.
Does this make sense? or should i have more heroes?

Emery Farm

Cool Air, Cozy bed

There is something that I look forward to in the autumn/winter months more than I do apple picking, pumpkin carving and witch trials. Although those rank high on my list of enjoyable experiences, this takes the cake. I love having my window wide open at night with an excessive amount of blankets layered ontop of me. The cold, crisp air floating around while I'm in a cozy warm cocoon- what is better than that? My bed layering is generally as follows:
layer 1- fleece blanket (closest to me so i want it to be uber warmy warm)
layer 2- Bed sheet
Layer 3- Flannel blanket
Layer 4- Heavy comforter
and as childish as it may sound, I have one last blanket that i....that i...
that i hug/hold/lay my head on. it takes on many forms throughout the night- its a comort thing, shhh.
I enjoy, right before going to bed, taking all of the blankets off of my bed and layering it as such, urging to hop right in and fall asleep at the blink of an eye.
Yes, this is what I look forward to as the cold weather rolls in.

At what age are you supposed to start purchasing and using anti-aging face cream?

When one door CLOSES

another door opens-
I am experimenting- trying to figure out what to do for my self-portrait for my studi class. [naturally] it has to have some sort of MESSAGE, guh, and im thinking, i love the idea of one door closing, another opening- so why not do it in this form? what do we think??
im going to go ahead and say NO.

Michael Winters Interview

Click here to check out more Michael Winters Photography

Part of me felt wrong. Part of me felt as if maybe it was not meant to be. Was I not grasping the real structure of photography? Why don't my photos have messages and intent to them? I take photos mostly for the sheer aesthetic qualities. I cant help but feel extremely cliche when trying to tie images with messages, state quotes that stand up for my prints. I take pictures because I think I can do something with them. I think perhaps they will captivate my audience, perhaps people will enjoy them. I don't expect deep meaning. tonight I realized something big, something really big.
Michael winters said, “I actually advise some people to not take a class (which may be totally naïve of me) other than to learn how to use their camera in manual mode. As for all of the other theory regarding what’s right or not right, I ignore as there is nothing worse than imposing rules to stifle creativity.” i loved this quote because sometimes i resent criticism in my photography. I create an image to look this way- i wanted it to look this way and i wanted all of the technical/physical/emotion properties to be this way. whose to say that it's wrong? I find that in a structured class setting, sometimes your photography falls into the 'wrong' category, but why?? If I spent a serious amount of time creating an image to look the way it looks, regardless if you like it or not, is it really wrong? I never thought so.
I had the pleasure of interviewing one of my favorite photographers to date, Michael Winters. I found his words as inspiring as his images.

Cozy Under Covers

*images found on googleimage*
My first weekend at school and it was spent.....
IN BED. I was very ill all weekend with the flu. I spent hours upon hours sleeping, waking up, rolling over, sleeping again, watching sex and the city seasons [1,2,3,6], watched valentines day, slept, woke up, drank a gallon of orange juice through a straw, slept, watched when in rome, rolled over, put a sweatshirt on, took my temperature, took my sweatshirt off, drank gingerale through a straw, watched the fell asleep notebook. so it was quite a fascinating weekend if i do say so. Today, feeling achey from all of the laying around, i ran some errands and went and printed some photos in the darkroom. I was getting a case of cabin fever so it felt good to get out of the house. It did feel nice to forget about school all weekend and relax.
These photos are very reminiscent of my first weekend of senior year spent at URI- fun stuff.

she fights for her life

so i have absolutely not been able to delete myself from music and photography tonight. ive been experimenting with photoshop while listening to beautiful music :)

Her Morning Elegance

Click HERE
Color or Black and White? what do you think?

Please watch this- it is amazing. Made up of all photographs, this stop frame masterpiece is quite enjoyable to watch! :)
Then after watching it, dirpy.com the song because isnt it beautiful?

Happy Birthdayyy Timmmyyy

**not my images- taken from www.weheartit.com

Happy birthday to my dear friend gracey (timothy) although we share a congruent fear of aging, im still so excited to wish her a happy one! grace and i met in 2005 and became instant best friends essentially hip and hip. besides having different classes in our daily routine, we shared many other things such as getting coffee in le morning which switched from sugar free vanilla non fat lattes to americanos to all different sorts of coffees. we sat on a rock wall between classes as we watched people walk by (of course with no judgment whatsoever, well maybe on Halloween when capes and witches were involved) anyway- we'd reunite at either the gymbo to flip through US magazine on a treadmill or crunches on the mats or at the H where we'd sip tea an soup, amongst other things (or even smearing peanut butter on gardettos if were talking freshman year). we spent weekends drinking mccormy, eating at Austins, shopping at cira, rofling in the H, dreaming of dp dough or bcb and attending football games. i could probably talk forever about the amazing times that timmy and i had but this blog would go on forever. so i want to wish my bestey gracey a happy HAPPY birthday and want her to know how much i cherish her as a friend. growing older and moving farther apart of course things change but i am so lucky to still have grace in my life and feel comforted knowing i can always lean on her.
These pictures are some I found that reminded me of the free spirited, fun natured friendship that we have :)

WACOM tablet

SO my brother jamie had an extra tablet lying around because the one he has now is SICKKKK- so I am using it for now and i am falling deeply in love with it. Using a laptops mousepad or even a mouse can prove to be the most difficult utensil when trying to trace around certain objects in pictures or getting down tot he nitty gritty details of a photograph. A tablet has a pen-like utensil and a pad that you draw on so it makes it much easier to have control over what you are tracing around. i love it, i love it a lot! It is going to help me out a lot in the future! :)

JUICEEEEEEE

we heart it knows whats up with their whole album of juice-related photographs. this is one of my faovritas! :)

Photography

We all die.
My goal isn't to live forever, my goal is to create something that will.

intimacy of blogs

I am realizing more and more how amazing blogs really are. although perhaps every intimate thought that streams through my brain won't make the blog post cut, it is still a place i feel welcomed and comfortable to share my thoughts/feelings/passions/plans/loves/fears/etc. It's a place that although I have much to do on a daily basis I desire to write a blog post, if not for anyone but myself. It feels good to get it all down like a journal entry- god knows I have started 9 different journals in the past year, none to last more than 10 pages. I love being able to refer back to my old journals and read what was going through my secretive mind at the time, but its super personal and the thought of someone other than me reading it is a trip. Above and beyond my own blog, i love following others for many reasons, the main one being able to keep track of your friends lives when maybe you cant talk all of the time. also because of some of the beautiful insight you come across. I do enjoy reading blogs of the people that I know and love but of course random peoples blogs can be interesting as well. I love how blogs aren't intimidating either- journals can be with their fancy hard back covers and pretty pages- they certainly can be a bit of a fright thinking everything has to be perfect and put together and make sense. my blog has and probably never will be cohesive- starting as a fashion blog (what??) turning into a photography blog- all of the while with my thoughts that prove moreso my day to day life than anything. I want my blog to encapsulate me- i don't want to just discuss photography, i want to get it all out there for anyone and everyone to see, even if that means i am the only one that reads this. i have no idea who reads my blog so i feel no pressure to make my posts anything special.

dirty couch run

Thanks to ricky for being such a trooper to lay, sit and run across a filthy old, desheveled couch on the side of the street in newmarket.

I had my first photo critique today for B/W photography II. it did not go too well. I enjoy criticism with my work but sometimes it is tough to take when you spend so much time creating something that you believe in and stand behind. It was just one image in particular out of the four that got the wrath. It was a sequence photo- contrasting the tree and the fence and the differences that each portray. here they are. take a look.




I tried to be creative, think outside of the box and create not only a photograph with a message of sorts but also an imagine that was technically sound. The technically sound part was the issue with the image. cant win over everyone of course but when it comes from your teacher, of course you trust it more.

pumpkin patch

I need to get my annual pumpkin so that I can comb its hair.
i love all things autumn- weather, pumpkins, hay, corn stalks, fairs, haunted houses, crisp air, leaves changing.

my beautious familia

i have a beautiful family that i cherish and love. essentially, that is all that truly matters to me.

when you think that maybe there is nobody else to trust/believe, family is there. my family is amazing. they are beautiful human beings with the kindest souls and most welcoming personalities. i love my family more that I can actually describe in words. i suppose (some) friends come and go, but family is there to stay.

you win some. you lose some.

-not taken by me, nor made up by me- but for sure fitting.

losing a friend is somewhat similar to them dying. It sounds dramatic- this I know. of course its not nearly as serious, but the after effects are similar in that, well- you never ever or talk to them again. I find myself often reflecting back, often thinking of the fun times that we had. often find myself on their facebook wishing I could comment on their wall but finding it all too inappropriate (oh technology these days...facebook) I am out of sorts wondering how you can go from talking on the phone 3 hours a day to the point where our parents questioned why our phone bills were at such extremes to a nonexistent, awkward, deleting you out of phone, relationship. its beyond what my mind can comprehend. i think that i am a smart person, but this, i simply can not figure out. Its tragic, unfortunate and simply life altering. I don't know what to do from here- i am in an uncomfortable middle situation. do i act as if i still know this person- do i refer to her in conversations- or do i act as if this great friend of mine never existed- do i delete memories out of my memory brain box to never be recovered? someone please help me how to act. i love my friend and cherish her deeply, but if she doesn't feel the same back, i have no ammo now do i? never thought i would lose such a close friend, never thought i would lose someone i love so much. Of course I will always love my lost friend because i still cherish her more than most, but if she doesnt cherish and love me then i have to give it up.
well. if anyone figures out how to rescue, what was, a beautiful friendship- give me some advice. life doesnt seem happy, normal, or right without the people you love and care for in it. regardless of hurt feelings, harsh words- friends are friends, friends are family. well, maybe not to some people.

School = Death

I need to schedule time to breathe these days! I have three books that I want to read and have started two of them but have not been able to keep going because schoolwork is ruling my life at the moment. On top of schoolwork I am trying to nail down my plans with moving to aspen in the winter. I had to watch GLEE tonight so I took a little break to watch that and post up on here. Not much time to write, just time to post a few photographs.