Heroes

There are certain class that I like to keep to myself. I enjoy sitting there silently, taking it all in and scribing down my neatly organized notes. It is not necessarily an indicator of how much i enjoy the class or not, there are just those classes that I prefer to keep quiet. Perhaps I am intimidated by my classmates, afraid I will say something that will get shut down or maybe just for the simple fact that I like observing whats going on around me sometimes rather than considering myself as a part of it. I like the idea of being smack in the middle of a classroom but feeling like maybe nobody sees you. With that being said, my holocaust history class is one of these classes. I adore the class, i love it so much and look forward to it every time that I have it but I simply do not talk in it. I love listening to my 70 year old teacher talk because he is good at it. he is a good teacher with a lot of knowledge. I've always been interested in the subject of the holocaust and it is something that I could talk about endlessly but for one way or another, i don't prefer to in this class. Not to mention, the one time that I did speak in this class my teacher couldn't hear me and we went through that whole "what, i cant hear you" i repeated what i said, "what" i again, repeated what i said, "what?" he said again- "STALINS DICTATORSHIP OF RUSSIA" i ended up yelling at my poor little old teacher because i was mortified that I had to keep repeating myself. Anyway, my whole idea of 'not being seen' came to a halt today when my teacher was explaining how he gave his three kids middle names of his personal heroes last names- Clarence Darrow, Martin Luther King and Margaret Sagan. I thought this was a very cool idea and valid heroes at that as i was sitting there simply processing the idea of having your childrens middle names be after your heroes he quickly says "Don't you guys have heroes?" Then points to me. "DO you have heroes, who are your heroes?" I paused for what felt like 5 minutes and can only image the deep shade of red my face took on. The first thing that came to my head were the members of my family- they are my personal heroes but was I supposed to say that? Nobody in this class knows my family- will people think i am being cliche if i spit out "my parents" so instead i said the opposite of what i truly felt, "not off the top of my head" i replied.
I wish I could have run out of the class right then and there- not off the top of my head? DO i have no depth whatsoever? Who says that. I don't want to be that person that has no opinion, has nothing to say. But as the day pressed on i kept going back to that one question and i still couldn't think of anyone that I would have said. To me a hero is someone that you live everyday by- someone who you think about a lot, someone you try to imitate their morals and values, the way they've run their life- and still, my family members are truly the only people that I think about every single day, the only people that I try to mimic my life after and the only people that I can 100% say will always be my heroes. I don't know where life is going to take me and to have some hero for the time being doesn't seem so heroic. I don't want to have a hero just to have a hero- it has to be someone that means so much to me and as mentioned before, that's only my family. Of course I have deep admiration for many people throughout history but i don't feel comfortable calling any of them my heroes simply because i don't know how they lived their every day life- i don't personally know any of them. THey may have done something that is so unselfish, outstanding and beautiful but, i only know them for that. I know how my family lives their life, i respect it, value it and love it. I don't want to have a hero that I don't know all of them.
Does this make sense? or should i have more heroes?